Popularity and Other Lame Social Characteristics

Hello!

It certainly has been a very long time since I last wrote to you. 

I needed some time to clear my head. Recently, I went on a three day school trip to an adventure centre. It was great and it made me realise a lot of things. This entry could probably be all over the place so bear with me.

No. 1 I have had such a huge urge to just be popular. I think I know why but I will elaborate later on. 

I can definitely talk to all the people in my school who I think are popular I jus find it super hard. I feel like they think I'm annoying. I'm not good at the things that make them popular, like sports. If popularity was based on clumsiness I would literally be queen, but that's not how it works... I'm trying to figure out a plan to succeed on my crusade of popularity (damn, look at that sentence, I'm so fancy.. And devious mwahaha.. No). 

No. 2 I have become a lot, a lot happier in myself as a person. For example, before if I used to see a girl in my class that was pretty I would just be jealous, nothing else but jealous. Whereas now, if I see that girl I think maybe "she's got lovely skin, I wanna improve my skin" or "oh I love her hair, good for her that she can pull it off like that". I find myself to be a lot more appreciative of everyone and everything. 

No. 3 kind of counter-acting everything I just said. If I wrote down everything on paper that I have you'd think I was 100% happy and positive, but I'm not. I should be happy but I feel like a part of me isn't there and I don't know how to fill it. Going back to my first point, I'm a strong believer that popularity isn't everything but I still want it. I suppose you always want what you don't have. My anxiety tends to get in the sometimes as well.

No. 4 I really like somebody. I have done for a while. I already know this sounds so lame. I haven't liked anybody for ages, and I thought it was great not caring what you looked like or how you acted. Unfortunately, now I am back to that stage of caring too much. Also, back to my first point, he is popular. He gets on really well with another girl. Even though she probably doesn't like him because she is quite tom-boyish I still worry. Though it's not like I have a monopoly over him or anything. My other friend also likes him. She is in the same class as him, and I recently had to sit through a long conversation they had which I wasn't involved in and just stood there like an idiot. And because she doesn't know I like him afterwards I said, "you guys are so cute together" (through gritted teeth, although I love my friend to bits). 

So that's my latest update. Hope you enjoyed hearing me rant about my problems. Feel free to comment yours and give me tips. 

~ Tee xox

Twitter:     @gingerbreadtee_

Instagram:  @gingerbreadtee_